Tools for Winning the Game

In August, I spent an amazing ten days hiking in the Saw Tooth Mountains of Idaho where I had the opportunity to travel down the rapids of the upper middle fork of the Salmon River. It was all part of an incredible seminar, titled “The Wilderness Experience.”

The seminar is designed to help participants step outside their personal comfort zones so they can get familiar with what that feels like and learn to take personal leadership in their own lives. I highly recommend it. Check it out here.

The Wilderness Experience allowed me to reconnect with the beauty of nature, as well as do some important inner work. And often during my time there, I was reminded again and again, that our inner and outer worlds are really inseparable. It’s no surprise then that the one theme that continually resonated with me was this:

I first heard this statement from one of the river guides. At the time, he was teaching me how to maneuver my kayak down the rapids. He said that if I kept looking at the rocks, I would surely hit them.

He was right. And there is nothing like a visceral experience to get my full attention. (Smashing into rocks beats out words and talk every time.)

My river guide said that to avoid the rocks, I must continually look to where I wanted to go instead of to where I didn’t want to go. Wise words, but easier said than done.

Because I was so intent on avoiding the dangerous-looking rocks, I actually kept my focus fixed on the dangerous-looking rocks— and that had me continually heading straight toward them. The more I said to myself, “Don’t hit the rocks, don’t hit the rocks!” the more I hit the rocks.

Even though I understand the basic message of Law of Attraction—you get what you focus on whether wanted or not—it was really difficult for me to shift my focus to a different reality, namely the openings that would guide me away from the rocks.

With some bash-time (“failed” attempts) under my belt, I was eventually able to stop struggling against the current, relax and go with the flow. I learned that if I just allowed the river to carry me, it would naturally guide me where I wanted to go and I would easily and effortlessly move past the rocks.

Later, I found myself thinking, How many times in my life can I identify with this one simple principal of keeping my eye on what I do want, instead of what I don’t then trusting and going with the flow?

Two examples came to mind. One shows how I practice this principal with relative ease; the other concerns a place in my life where I continue to struggle..

The first has to do with my family. As you may know, I am the proud parent of two wonderful teenagers, ages 15 and 17. If you’ve ever raised teens, you know what I am taking about. (Wayne Dwyer likes to point out that few saints had children.)

When either of my kids gets in trouble, or is causing all kinds of problems for themselves or the family, I always try to pull my attention from the immediate drama at hand, and focus instead on the bigger, more positive picture. I choose to remember that, no matter the crisis of the moment, I believe in my children, and their individual abilities to get through any challenges and find their own paths in life. I don’t focus on the rocks; I focus on the flow between the rocks. I remind myself that my kids are in the process of becoming beautiful, happy, fulfilled adults. I trust that even if they hit a few of the rocks of their own making today, they will eventually learn to right themselves and swoosh on down the river past the rocks.

For the past year or so, I have been experiencing some vague dissatisfaction in my own life. I have been putting a great deal of focus on this dissatisfaction. It baffles and frustrates me.

In the past, whenever I felt such restlessness, I would swing into action— Something’s wrong lets get busy and fix it filling my time with projects, deadlines, hobbies and goals. But this time I decided to just sit still and listen. Not comfortable, not easy.

The source of my discomforts is in realizing I really don’t know what is next for me. Without a concrete goal on which to focus my time and attention, and with a refusal to once again set up some projects and pretenses that may serve to distract me for awhile but that will ultimately dump me back here again, I have allowed myself to continue to focus on my dissatisfaction.

All I keep doing is hitting rocks (i.e., my own dissatisfaction) and when that happens over and over I just take my boat out of the river. I stand still and stop living, because I am afraid of hitting more rocks. Even though I tell myself I am being quiet, patient and brave as I wait for the next best thing to come along, deep down I know I am afraid. And I can see now that part of me keeps that fear alive by focusing on it— by not really trusting that it’s all unfolding perfectly! And then I wonder why I am so stuck and bored with my life!

I still don’t know for sure what my next step is. But I do know for sure that neither settling for temporary “solutions” nor focusing on my pain will ever help guide me to that better place.

This analogy about focus applies perfectly to so many of my coaching clients. Again and again I see the small business owners I work with agonizing over what could or might go wrong in their ventures. They spend massive amounts of time and energy looking directly at the rocks while trying to avoid the same rocks, only to actually experience those same rocks and more as they bash their way upstream. I understand their struggles all too well. But that’s no excuse for any of us to settle for life on the rocks.

You may have heard the familiar phrase, “Failure is not an option.” I believe this is true—but only if we can practice turning our focus away from what we don’t want and toward what we do want— to what makes us feel good and powerful from the inside out. If we each consistently focus on what we do want, if we take our eyes off the rocks long enough to enjoy the river’s effortless, joyful ride, we will each experience our own unique brand of happiness and success in business and in life.

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful
servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has
forgotten the gift."

-Albert Einstein

You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love."

-Henry Drummond

1. What is the Product or service being provided
2. For Whom the product or service is intended
3. What is the impact the product or service will have

You must be able to articulate this in a clear, meaningful (to your target audience) way.

Check out your core message for your business and see if it answers at least these three questions.

I believe Bob Armstrong sent the following to me, although
somehow I managed to save it without his name. Whoever sent
it to me, I thought it was wonderful--not exactly "humor" in
the traditional sense, But it made me smile, so that's close enough.
Enjoy!

A group of professional people posed this question to a
group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The
answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could
have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over
and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it
for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis
too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is
different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on
shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of
your French fries without making them give you any of
theirs." Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she
takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste
is OK." Danny - age 7

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you
stop opening presents and listen." Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with
a friend who you hate," Nikka - age 6 (we need a few
million more Nikka's on this planet)

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he
wears it everyday." Noelle - age 7

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was
scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my
daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I
wasn't scared anymore." Cindy - age 8

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still
says he is handsomer than Robert Redford." Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you
left him alone all day." Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all
her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it.
But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.
" Jessica - age 8

Steve Kennedy is a personal coach specializing in working with entrepreneurs.
For a free 1/2 hour coaching session or to get more information directly from Steve, contact him at: steve@winningthegameofbusiness.com

Copyright (c) 2006, all rights reserved. You may copy, forward or distribute Tools for WINNING The Game Newsletter provided the copyright notice and full information for contacting Steve Kennedy are included.
You may contact Steve by email at: steve@winningthegameofbusiness.com

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